I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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