I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
