And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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