OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
