she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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