Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
