My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I need to sanitize my soul.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
