I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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