i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
