I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
