I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
