He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
