Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
