I heard we made out
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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