like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
