i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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