how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
