Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
