Operation Purity has been aborted
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
