So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
