dude i'm inner monologue high
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I'm determined to sit on that face.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
