either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
