i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
