I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
