People in love make me want to vomit
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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