she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
