So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
