he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
