is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I can text with my tongue
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
