this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
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After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
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I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
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