If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
