found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
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Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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