at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
