My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
