I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
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