omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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