Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
