Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
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