Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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