why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
