Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I am available for nakedness
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
