u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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