I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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