ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
True but thats because hes a fetus.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
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We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
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Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
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