i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
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