we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I am one with the molecules
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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