We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
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I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
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I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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