That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
