i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
The air was thick with penises
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
