And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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