Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
