So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
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