Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
