theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I enjoy the company of your penis
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
