Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Randomize
