Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
