I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Panties = found
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
