a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
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