I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
