how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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