Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
