Umm I'm too high to move.
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
