god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
you traded sex for a burrito?
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
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